Ilang beses na rin akong nabigo at nasakatan. Inilayo ko ang aking puso sa mundo. Pero napagod na ako. Hmh….. I  have move on na. And I am ready to love and get hurt once more.

Aja!

My batch is composed of 4 sections, and talagang matindi ang kumpetisyon. section one versus section four. Muntik pa ngang umabot sa moment na mahahati kami sa dalawang squad, so dalawang entry. Pero syempre lahat naman ay nadadaan sa mabuting usapan. (Away o Gulo ang gusto lagi eh noh…). Hindi naman kami super violent kaya…

Pero syempre, wala namang kasiguraduhan sa world di ba? Natalo kami! Huhuhuhu!!!!

But looking back, kahit natalo kami, parang may prize parin kami, kasi nagkasundo ang long time “warring tribes” ng batch namen…

….

“Life is a matter of perspective, its either roses have torns, or, torns have roses.” 

Have you ever dreamed of a wonderfull life with someone? Ako, I did. She was my friend. My Angel. Half of my life, lagi syang kasama. I can’t remember when we started as friends, but for me it dosen’t matter. Lagi ko syang kakampi in times of hardship, kaya ng hindi ko sya kinayang iwanan. Kapag may event akong pupuntahan, I won’t make it kung hindi sya kasama. Kumbaga, default na : kung kasama sya, kasama ako. Medyo eccentric nga siguro ako noon dahil sa kanya. But katulad ng ibang magkakaibigan, lahat magkakaroon ng hindi pagkakaunawaan. I’m such a foolish person that time, I can’t afford to swallow my pride para makipagbati sa kanya. Ewan ko ba. Then, naisip ko. What are friends are for di ba? Oo. Friends. I planned na makipagbati sa kanya. Naging magkaibigan uli kami. Pero, may nag-iba na. Parang kaming isang nabasag na salamin; mabuo mo man ulit, may lamat pa rin na hindi mabubura. There are times na naging repulsive sya sakin. Iba na ang approach namin sa isas’t isa. Para kaming mga strangers, considering na we used to be best friends. Siguro nga, tumaliwas na ang mga daan namin sa isa’t isa. May nga nakilala akong bago, may nakilala syang bago.

” She used to be my angel… but angels are for heaven, not by my side…”

Ewan ko ba, the more na lumayo sya sakin, the more na hinahanap ko sya. Pero, the rule is: No turning back. I try to move on. And i found the comfort of a new friend. She’s so loving and open-minded. She’s the one who realy cares. Hindi lang dahil gusto kong iconceal ang emptyness, but she’s so great that i enjoyed her company. I spent almost 20 hours a day texting width her. Wala na nga kaming mapag-usapan eh. But, sa lahat ng mga pinag-usapan namin, hindi ako nabobored. Kahit anong sabihin ok lang sa kanya, for the first time, nakarandam ako ng true acceptance. Yun bang feeling na hindi nya ako irereject. May tao palang ganon.

“Triny ko nga nakulitin sya eh, pero kahit anong sabihin ko, hindi sya natinag…. Then i say , ” I love you.”……”

But looking back with the memories i had. I realised, na mahal ko pala ang “angel” ko. I quited with my “new friend”. And i approach my angel. Pero, angels have her angel too. She’s very happy with someone, her “angel”. Wala naman kaming promise to hold on, so she have the right to move on. Im just a friend. Thats it, Over and done.

Hindi na ako bubalik sa “new friend” ko. Wala akong karapatan. I left her for someone, whose moving on. She cares sor me, but didn’t care. Such a foolishness…..

Now im here. Alone. Waiting for something, for someone. Living away from their shadows. If ever we would cross our paths again, maybe sometime, i’ll say..

“Wish i didn’t quit you…”

Ewan ko ba. Bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon? Kakaiba. Nung una ko syang nakita, wala lang. Ngumiti sya. Ngumiti ako. Deadma lang. Umalis sya. Wala akong care. Pero bakit ngayon hinahanap ko sya? Hindi ko man lang nalaman ang pangalan nya. Pilit bumabalik sa aking mutawi ang kanyang mukha. Ang kanyang ngiti. Oo. Gusto kong makita muli ang kanyang ngiti.

Naabnormal na ata ako. Ang cute ng mga mata nya. Gusto kong titigan muli. Pilit kong iniisip ang kanyang mukha. Ang kanyang ngiti. At the end ngingiti akong mag-isa.

Syet! Ano ba ‘to. Hmmmm. Ewan ko bah.

I met someone. Naging kaibigan ko sya. Mabait kasi sya. Matulungin. Friendly. Minsan sinabi nya sakin, “I love you”. I take it as a joke. Kasi naman mapagbiro talaga sya. Many days past and togethere, we collected a load of wonderful memories. Ang sarap nyang kasama. Ang sayang katropa. Till one day, Nag-usap kami. seryoso sya sa sinabi nya noon. Na mahal nya nga daw ako. Honestly wala talaga akong gusto sa kanya. Hanggang kaibigan lang maibibigay koh. Pero, may mga consequences yon…. Magkakaiwasan na lang ba kami? Dapat ko ba syang iwasan?

It’s the Way You Make Me Feel,
The way that you make me feel,
Spinning my world around,
Tell me how can I walk away,
I don’t care what they say,
I’m loving you anyway,
It’s the way you make me feel

I’m going to make you mine,
It’s not impossible,
Got t9o let you know,
I’m irresistible,
Baby can’t you see,
You’re the one for me,
But you belong to another,
I don’t wanna hurt nobody,
But my heart just can’t hold back,

It’s the Way You Make Me Feel,
The way that you make me feel,
Spinning my world around,
Tell me how can I walk away,
I don’t care what they say,
I’m loving you anyway,
It’s the way you make me feel

When I look into your eyes,
Everytime you smile at me,
Oh I go weak inside,
Baby I just can’t hide my love,

It’s the Way You Make Me Feel,
The way that you make me feel,
Spinning my world around,
Tell me how can I walk away,
I don’t care what they say,
I’m loving you anyway,
It’s the way you make me feel

Matagal ko na ring pinakikinggan ang song na ito. It’s a hit song from now debunked British group na STEPS (my personal favorites!). The lyrics shows the ambiance of feeling in love; super happy, etc. But the lyrics also reveals the sad side of a love story; na bawat move natin, may affected, may matutuwa, at syempre may masasaktan. Pero, dapat mo ba silang isipin? o i-pursue ang pagmamahal mo, yung tipong “stand up for love?

Mantakin mo ba naman! Nakita ko yung crash este crush ko na may kaAno-han sa kwarto. Shocks! ham….